Listen, Hobby Lobby. You know how I feel about you. But you have GOT to stop trying to make the Thanksgiving Tree a thing. I mean, at this point, it’s just embarrassing.
Dear Mr. Coffee,
I have, yet again, felt the terror of your hatred and disdain.
At this point, it’s all too clear: we have grown apart, and so have our wants and needs.
It’s over, Mr. Coffee. I wish you the best. And no, we cannot be friends.
Good luck with your future endeavors at the Humane Society Thrift Shop.