People of the Internets, here’s the thing. Or, rather, here are the things. Whichever. So.
1. Circumstances persist.
2. Therefore, my hiatus also persists.
3. One great wish persists through circumstances and hiatus, and that is to have famous cats.
4. Therefore and thusly, I thought I’d take a brief break from my break to make a brief but incredibly important update.
About my cats. Because this is the Internet, after all.
This is a story about Alice B. Toklas, and this story about Alice B. Toklas begins when Alice B. Toklas decided that she was tired of me petting her because I always, somehow, am doing it wrong. She pushed my arm away to let me know just how wrongly I was doing it.
She decided to stay there, pushing my arm away, just in case I got any more ideas about doing anything else wrong. However, she soon ran into a problem.
A sleepy, sleepy problem.
And then she fell asleep, sitting up, pushing my arms away, snoring, and singing.
Meanwhile, Gertrude Stein rolled around on the carpet in a fury of planet-vaporizing rage.
Now we should all go read some of the leaked lyrics from Yeezus because, people, Kanye West raps about croissants like he means it.