I’ve noticed that most Facebook list memes all seem kind of the same: top ten books, top ten movies, top ten interesting facts, top ten etcetera.  I started wondering: what if we made Facebook list memes a little more interesting?  Which led me, of course, to this list — and it’s holiday-themed, as a bonus.

Top Ten Facebook List Memes I’d Like To See

1. Top Ten Life-Choices Questioned By Relatives During Christmas Dinner (In Ascending Order from Those Shoes to Veganism)

2. Top Ten Most Transcendent Experiences Involving Cake Batter, Raw Cookie Dough, Or Icing on Mix-Master Beaters

3. Top Ten Actors Whose Names Your Mother Can’t Remember Even Though She Knows They Were on That Show with the Blonde Girl Who Sings So Well But Went Through That Weird Phase with the Nose Ring and Such

4. Top Ten Things You Really Wish You Could Pretend You Didn’t Know That Your Mother Actually Knows About Once You Find Her Secret Copy of 50 Shades of Gray

5. Ten Uncomfortable Conversations Beginning With The Phrase “So, I Hear You’re Into ______________ These Days.”

6. Top Ten Most Awkward and Overly Revealing Combinations of Items in Your Grocery Shopping Cart At Like the Only Place Anyone Seems to Shop for Groceries in Your Home Town for Chrissakes

7. Top Ten Most Awkward Grocery Store Interactions That Occurred When You Had an Awkward and Overly Revealing Combination of Items in Your Grocery Shopping Cart At Like the Only Place Anyone Seems to Shop for Groceries in Your Home Town for Chrissakes

8. Top Ten Facebook-Newsfeed-Inspired Mental Breakdowns

9. Top Ten Beverages (Adult Or Non-Adult) Consumed at a Christmas Family Gathering Before You’re Just Going to Stand Over Here, All Right, You’re Just Going Over Here Or Oh, To the Kiddie Table, If Everyone Is Going to Treat You Like a Kid You Might As Well Sit Over Here At the Stupid Kiddie Table.

10. Ten Nicknames You Forgot About That Have the Power to Make You Hulk Out

And, from Gertrude Stein, Alice B. Toklas, and me, happy holidays to all of you and all of your yours!