Here at Belle Reve, The Great Kidney Stone Battle Royale of 2012 rages on. Listen: I know that last week, I offered a visual representation of what kidney stones feel like. I’m telling you now that I was wrong. Towards the end of this week, I realized just how wrong I was. I started to realize that kidney stones feel more like this:
However, I was wrong. Very wrong. Yesterday, I met one of my kidney stones face to face, and without painkillers. That’s when I realized kidney stones are more like this:
Guys, this summer? This summer has been — well, a LOT. Without a doubt, it’s been an unmitigated disaster, especially in terms of my health. This is normally the time I’d begin with the moaning and the groaning. It’s probably also the time I’d pull out the yoga pants, close the blinds, pull out a carton of Ben and Jerry’s, pop in my DVD of Grey Gardens, and start feeling seriously sorry for myself. This time, I’m not going to do that (well, okay, I can’t make any promises about the Ben and Jerry’s. Or the yoga pants).
I’m not going to do that because this is what I’ve really realized more than anything through all of this: I’m lucky. I’m very, very lucky, and I’m very grateful. I have two tremendously strong and wonderful parents who’ve been right behind me, holding me up — sometimes literally — every single step of the way. I have smart and funny and lovely friends who are more understanding than I deserve, and supportive and helpful and willing to stick with me even when I’m super lame and have to stay home to, you know, give birth to rocks and all. And I have my work. There’s this strange stillness that comes with extreme physical pain, this meditative peace I can come to when I’m fighting pain, that I can’t quite explain. I guess Dickinson says it best: “After great pain, a formal feeling comes.” I’m able to distract my mind while my body fights, and therefore I’m able to keep fighting, by solving the puzzles of poems in my mind.
Oh, and cat photos. I have a lot of cat photos.
So why should I moan and groan? I have more than enough to see me through. And I still had an incredible week, despite the vicious pack of laser-shooting Rambo velociraptors.